Friday, 23 January 2009
only in London!
my caseload now includes a transexual with mental health problems who runs around the street shouting into a walkie talkie whilst wearing a bomber jacket and g-string. Only in London guys!
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
london is good
Because...
1. lots of good bands play here
2.its still fun going to work on the tube and seeing red busses and that
3.they pay more
4. you can get cheap stuff from uniqlo and they have manga characters on the bags
5.they've got forbidden planet
6.the leisure centre i go to has an outdoor pool
1. lots of good bands play here
2.its still fun going to work on the tube and seeing red busses and that
3.they pay more
4. you can get cheap stuff from uniqlo and they have manga characters on the bags
5.they've got forbidden planet
6.the leisure centre i go to has an outdoor pool
Friday, 8 February 2008
one more week...
Only one more week folks before i head on down to the big smoke, where, rumour has it, the streets are paved with gold. How cool is that? Streets paved with gold! I for one am pretty excited. I will try to keep you updated of my progress, no doubt my life will become like the film Elf, except without finding my real Dad, but definitely with the same outfit.
Friday, 18 January 2008
The Star, woo hoo!
Off to the Star later today and can't wait. Might even try and do one of the following;
1: Pretend that i'm going to buy the pub, wind everyone up and then piss in the sink in the gents. 2: Go on a pub crawl, play drinking games and then wind my friend up so much that he punches me in the face.
3: The barman having expressed concerns over whether I should have any more to drink but reluctantly serving me a Westons, I will look him square in the eye and say "can I have a f**king glass".
Apparantly the Good Natured Slacker really treasures the moment when these incidents happen, so who am I to let him down? I'm family goddammit!
1: Pretend that i'm going to buy the pub, wind everyone up and then piss in the sink in the gents. 2: Go on a pub crawl, play drinking games and then wind my friend up so much that he punches me in the face.
3: The barman having expressed concerns over whether I should have any more to drink but reluctantly serving me a Westons, I will look him square in the eye and say "can I have a f**king glass".
Apparantly the Good Natured Slacker really treasures the moment when these incidents happen, so who am I to let him down? I'm family goddammit!
Monday, 7 January 2008
mid life crisis
can anyone think of any funny comments i can make to the 50 year old usher at court who has just had his ear pierced. I'm thinking about something involving wham...
Friday, 21 December 2007
urgh
I went out last night (a school night) and am presently reaping the rewards of this, namely a headache, nausea, and overwhelming urge to sleep. Anybody got any tips for;
(a) hangover cure
(b) getting away with having a nap at work
I am contemplating cutting a ping-pong ball in half and drawing eyes on them but fear that this may give the imporession I am in a constant state of shock
(a) hangover cure
(b) getting away with having a nap at work
I am contemplating cutting a ping-pong ball in half and drawing eyes on them but fear that this may give the imporession I am in a constant state of shock
Friday, 23 November 2007
immoral
Inspired by the good natured slacker's mini rant here is one of my own.
A question i am constantly, constantly, constantly asked by every person i meet when they find out what i do is, "well, how can you defend someone when you know they're guilty?" implying I am a heartless monster with no moral fibre.
At present i have resigned myself to simply saying, "because i am heartless monster with no moral fibre".
However previously i used to explain this properly and that is what i will attempt to do now (albeit very briefly).
First i can never know with 100% certainty when someone is guilty. Unless i was either there when they committed the 'crime' or was able to read their thoughts when they were carrying it out, it is simply impossible. Now, i can know when i think someone might be guilty, certainly where all the evidence points at a person (e.g. a burglary where Mr Pink is found with several items from the burglary, his fingerprints are all over the house, and CCTV puts him in the area at the time) but i cannot know unless i was there watching him do this. (a great example of this is the documentary "murder on a sunday morning". please if you get a chance to watch this, you should, it is jaw droppingly excellent)
If a person wants to plead not guilty in those circumstances i advise them of the evidence against them, and why i think they might be found guilty, but if they wish to plead not guilty and maintain that they they did not do it, then i have to act to the best of my ability. It's not for me to judge whether someone is guilty or not. Ultimately, if the evidence is that strong then the inevitable decision the magistrates' or jury will reach is one of guilty anyway.
The only time i can know is where a person tells me that they did it. Now my responsibility as a solicitor is to the client, but i am not permitted to allow a client to mislead the police or the court. Which leaves the client with two options. 1. They can admit the offence, or 2. They can simply say nothing and let the prosecution try to prove the case against them. Now in 5 years of doing this job, i have never known a person be found not guilty in those circumstances after a trial. never. Sometimes they are never charged, or the case doesn't reach trial, but once the trial begins in those circumstances they are done for.
My other gripe is when people start talking about the "scumbags" i represent. Now i do act for some people who could be described as being from the underclass. I have only met 3 or 4 "scumbags" doing defence work. Those people who are truly nasty pieces of work by nature. However the other thousand or so people have not been like that. It's easy to label someone on one incident, but dig deeper and you'll often find out why that person is like that. I'm not going to ramble on trying to explain why as all you need to do is read "Stuart: a life backwards". These are the "scumbags" i represent and i am proud to carry on doing so.
Mini rant over.
A question i am constantly, constantly, constantly asked by every person i meet when they find out what i do is, "well, how can you defend someone when you know they're guilty?" implying I am a heartless monster with no moral fibre.
At present i have resigned myself to simply saying, "because i am heartless monster with no moral fibre".
However previously i used to explain this properly and that is what i will attempt to do now (albeit very briefly).
First i can never know with 100% certainty when someone is guilty. Unless i was either there when they committed the 'crime' or was able to read their thoughts when they were carrying it out, it is simply impossible. Now, i can know when i think someone might be guilty, certainly where all the evidence points at a person (e.g. a burglary where Mr Pink is found with several items from the burglary, his fingerprints are all over the house, and CCTV puts him in the area at the time) but i cannot know unless i was there watching him do this. (a great example of this is the documentary "murder on a sunday morning". please if you get a chance to watch this, you should, it is jaw droppingly excellent)
If a person wants to plead not guilty in those circumstances i advise them of the evidence against them, and why i think they might be found guilty, but if they wish to plead not guilty and maintain that they they did not do it, then i have to act to the best of my ability. It's not for me to judge whether someone is guilty or not. Ultimately, if the evidence is that strong then the inevitable decision the magistrates' or jury will reach is one of guilty anyway.
The only time i can know is where a person tells me that they did it. Now my responsibility as a solicitor is to the client, but i am not permitted to allow a client to mislead the police or the court. Which leaves the client with two options. 1. They can admit the offence, or 2. They can simply say nothing and let the prosecution try to prove the case against them. Now in 5 years of doing this job, i have never known a person be found not guilty in those circumstances after a trial. never. Sometimes they are never charged, or the case doesn't reach trial, but once the trial begins in those circumstances they are done for.
My other gripe is when people start talking about the "scumbags" i represent. Now i do act for some people who could be described as being from the underclass. I have only met 3 or 4 "scumbags" doing defence work. Those people who are truly nasty pieces of work by nature. However the other thousand or so people have not been like that. It's easy to label someone on one incident, but dig deeper and you'll often find out why that person is like that. I'm not going to ramble on trying to explain why as all you need to do is read "Stuart: a life backwards". These are the "scumbags" i represent and i am proud to carry on doing so.
Mini rant over.
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